Ignorance Is Not Bliss

I've got a bone to pick. I keep seeing the same handful of "arguments" (which falsely implies some sort of logic) being hurled about the Interwebs lately (at me privately, on my blog, and repeatedly assaulting my eyeballs on my news feed). And I think they're a bunch of baloney.

First things first.

Credit: Notions Capital (Flickr Creative Commons)

1. Donald Trump and his latest blatantly racist douchebaggery chicanery.

Just no.

Remember how in my last post I was like, hey, let's practice tolerance, if you actually sit down and share a cocktail or a quesadilla with someone you'll find out they're human, just like you. Well. Let me tell you. I am having a REAL hard time practicing tolerance and understanding with this piece of ... work. And hey, if he was just some lone (crazy ass) ranger who was totally off the reservation, that would be one thing. But this PSYCHOTIC YAHOO is the front running republican candidate?!? I'm sorry but what in the fucking fuck, people?! I AM SO CONFUSED. Confused, and also, filled with an overwhelming urge to scream, cry, or bury my head in the sand. If I sat down across the table from Donald Trump I would have to try very, very hard not to throw my conciliatory community-building beer in his face. At first it was kind of amusing, like a sociological experiment. Then it became unbelievable. Then it became disturbing. Now? Now I am absolutely terrified. Please PLEASE tell me this is all just a terrible joke???

THIS GUY JUST HELD UP JAPANESE INTERNMENT CAMPS AS A POSITIVE EXEMPLAR FROM AMERICAN HISTORY. AND HE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. The land of the free. A country of diversity and acceptance. A nation that was founded by immigrants. (Okay, well, more like stolen from its original, rightful owners by immigrants but you get my point). He thinks Islam has no place in America? No place in the 21st century? HE has no place in America in the 21st century. He is a fear-mongering bigot whose beliefs go against everything that American stands for.

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breath free,*
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.**
Send these, the homeless, the tempest-tost to me,***
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

* Except Muslims.

** But actually, really really ridiculously rich Muslims are cool.

*** Excludes Syrians and other people who are browner than me, but ORANGE PEOPLE ARE WELCOME! Send me your overworked Oompa Loompas, I've got just the factory for them!

PS, If Dick Cheney's like, "Bruh, you went too far," you done CROSSED THE LINE.

2. The meaning of "well-regulated" in the Second Amendment (from my recent FB post):

An anonymous reader commented on my post about guns. I still can't get over the fact I have anonymous readers. DM doesn't really believe it, he thinks my post hits are all Ukrainian hacker bots. Anyway. S/he wrote this:

"Nice piece, but you might want to look up what "well regulated" means in the vernacular of the late 18th century, when the second amendment was written. It means "well equipped". :)"

This was my response:

"Thanks. Actually, according to the Supreme Court in DC v Heller (whose holding I vehemently disagree with but it is the supreme law of the land, after all ;)), per the vernacular, "well-regulated" means "the imposition of proper discipline and training," which sounds to me like a great place to start!

In any event, even without the qualifying clause, no individual rights granted by the Constitution (Bill of Rights) are without limitation. They are subject to a balancing act of the rights of the individual vs. legitimate government interest, e.g., the general welfare of its citizens."

In fact, the Court in Heller said that "the right secured by the Second Amendment is not unlimited," and pointed out that "the right was not a right to keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose."

Like I said, I'll talk about this stuff until my face turns blue!

3. "In 1789, Thomas Jefferson said 'Cross my heart, hope to die, the Federal Government will never steal your guns, pinkie swear, no take-backs.'"

You know what else our "Founding Fathers" said? That white people could OWN black people. That blacks had 3/5 the human worth of whites. That black people could not vote. They were not allowed in white schools, restaurants or places of business. Women could not vote and were considered chattel. Native Americans were systemically displaced and slaughtered. So, forgive me if I don't find this to be an ironclad argument. The Constitution is an amazing document and the backbone of American democracy, but it was written over 200 years ago and has to adapt as we learn and grow as a nation.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." - Maya Angelou

PS, You're not the only one who can quote the Founding Fathers in support of your argument. They also said that gun owners should be subject to discipline and training, as noted above.

PPS, See also, section 2.b re: no individual rights being absolute, including but not limited to, the right to keep and bear arms.

PPPS, How do you know the framers weren't talking about THIS?

4. This meme has come across my news feed no less than five times in the past week. There's so much wrong with this analogy, I don't even know where to start. 

I guess my main issue is this: No one is saying "make guns illegal," are they? I know I'm not. I mean, we can't even vote to keep guns out of the hands of suspected terrorists, so I don't think rounding up all the guns in the country and throwing them in the ocean is on the agenda. All people are saying is "make guns harder for baddies to get," and also maybe "you don't need a grenade launcher and a high powered assault rifle for 'self defense?'" If I were in charge I would also say we must take further steps to ensure that all the "good guys with guns" know how to safely maintain, store, and operate them. Is this really so unreasonable?

In any event, as I said in my last post on the subject, laws against drunk driving and prescription drug abuse don't completely eradicate those behaviors, either, but its a place to start. (And hey if you're arguing for a cease-fire in The War on Drugs, I'm all about that conversation.)

5. "Thank God I don't live in crazy Commie California!" Amen to that.

6. "I still don't believe Muslims are generally good people."

I'll ask you again: Do you actually know any Muslims? That's what I thought. Go befriend an actual, real-life Muslim, then get back to me.

If you still feel that way after you actually know a person from the faith about which you so freely cast aspersions, watch this:



Here are the Clif Notes: Yes, some countries that are predominantly Muslim (e.g. Saudia Arabia) have some messed up laws. Some countries that are predominantly Christian (e.g. Ethiopia) have some messed up laws. Balancing human rights and multiculturalism is a messy thing and (much) more work needs to be done. And yes some terrorist organizations have bastardized the religion for their terrorist purposes which I've already said is not a trait unique to Islam. But that is on the country and the organization and the individuals who carry out these acts, not on the religion itself.

"Islam doesn't promote violence or peace. Islam is just a religion, and like every religion in the world, it depends on what you bring to it. If you're a violent person, your Islam, your Judaism, your Christianity, your Hinduism is going to be violent. There are marauding Buddhist monks in Myanmar slaughtering women and children. Does Buddhism promote violence? Of course not. People are violent or peaceful. And that depends on their politics, their social world, the way they see their communities, the way they see themselves." - Reza Aslan

6. "No Christians have done anything bad in the name of Christianity since the Crusades." Wrong again.

The KKK.

Neo Nazis, skinheads and other non-Muslim extremists.

FLDS (Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).

Now, I assume members of mainstream Christianity would decry, "But those aren't Christians!"

And now you know how Muslims feel.

That is all. I swear I have some non-political posts for you. I just need to get to a place where my fingertips aren't autonomously driven by a blind and fiery rage.

Unless I get picked up by the US Government for my search history: guns, terrorist, Muslim, Christian, KKK, neo-Nazi, skinhead, child marriage. Don't worry though, I'll still be able to get a gun!

Until then:

On the subject of religious bias, watch this video, I implore you.

The Paradox of Tolerance: Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them. 

- Karl Popper, Open Society and its Enemies, Vol. 1

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out -
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out -
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out -
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.

- Martin Niemöller

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

- Edmund Burke

close-minded liberal

"beware of half-truths. you may have gotten hold of the wrong half." - author unknown

the guy who sat next to me in my first year of law school once called me a close-minded (closed-minded?) liberal. it ticked me off at the time, but now that i am, ahem, older and wiser, i can kind of see his point. and while i'm still not sure that was a totally fair accusation, i think it becomes more and more true the older (and wiser ;)) i get. and i'm not necessarily bummed out about it.

let me back up a little.

i used to love a good debate. no topics were off limits. i would argue politics, religion - gays, god, guns, whatever. i was basically born this way. when i was really little the only other overtly political person i spoke with on a regular basis was my grandpa, and so at the time i thought i was a republican. as i got a little older my lefty leanings became pretty clear. i remember getting this sort of green peace book for kids, and my little sister and i would try to implement our planet-saving initiatives on a daily basis. reduce. reuse. recycle. write your congressman. save the whales. i was school president in junior high and we fought our school's sexist rules that boys couldn't have their ears pieced and girls had to wear wool skirts (instead of pants) in the winter. (and won, i might add.) i argued with the creepy abortion protestors outside our high school. i argued with my english teacher about what f. scott fitzgerald and maya angelou really meant. i respectfully disagreed with my religious conservative relatives about whatever chain email they had sent that morning. (jesus loves you, if you "like" his facebook page. members of congress make one billion dollars a year upon retirement. president obama is actually michael jackson). the first day of law school, one of my professors called me a communist. i am and always have been so passionate about my beliefs, and i truly thought that if i could just properly present my position, the other person would have to see it my way. "still not convinced? okay. i must not be explaining this correctly. let me try to say it another way."

even up until, like, a year ago, i couldn't not engage in a political debate on facebook. it was like this uncontrollable, physical urge. certain family and friends on the opposite side of the political spectrum grew to expect my vehement response whenever they posted about any hot button issue. and hey, theoretically, civic engagement and civil discourse are awesome and beneficial. but for me, personally, it really wasn't beneficial at all. i would literally make myself sick to my stomach stressing out over some stupid facebook discussion or the presidential debates or the latest coverage on Iran/Syria/Egypt/Russia/Ukraine/Gaza/etc. and what did i have to show for it? did my contribution draw anyone from the darkness into the light? nope. seriously. after 34 years of arguing, the only person i've ever successfully convinced of an argument is my husband, and that's probably only because he was trying to get me in bed. maybe i just suck at it! (arguing, not sex ;)) maybe i'm in the wrong line of work! but honestly, i think it's more because people are so entrenched in their beliefs that there's nothing anyone could say that would convince them otherwise. have you ever noticed that people glom onto information and experiences that confirm their beliefs, and discount anything that doesn't? with the internet and facebook fueling this confirmation bias, "facts" and "the truth" have very little to do with it. everyone thinks that they're right, and can find some purportedly irrefutable source to back it up. (on that note, a family friend posted this great, thought-provoking article from I F*cking Love Science: "No, You're Not Entitled To Your Opinion.")

and back to the close-minded liberal comment - is it so terrible to prefer the company (online and "IRL" [in real life]) of people whose choice in conversational topics doesn't make you want to stab yourself in the ear-hole with a spork?

i'm not even sure what i'm saying here. i am starting to sound like my mother, who, while very opinionated, didn't vote or give a rat's ass about "civic engagement." DM has made the same argument to me over the years, though i probably shouldn't say that publicly these days given the ironic fact that he is something of an expert on voting rights, ha! (i think he would say, in his defense, that local politics is where it's at.) i don't mean to imply that we shouldn't care about what is going on in the world, or that we shouldn't critically assess our beliefs and the underlying assumptions therefor, or that we shouldn't stand up/speak up for what we ultimately believe in. but i just don't think arguing about opinions on the internet is a useful tool for that type of examination and reflection.

i mean, there's something to be said for the internet, and the way that it has changed "the news" and reporting and the manner in which knowledge is distributed. it is a useful source for information. an unparalleled source. but i liken it to shopping at Ross or TJ Maxx or something. you have to sort through a lot of crap to find the good stuff.

and, sometimes, i just feel like i don't need or want that much information.

last week we were visiting family in michigan and i was sort of out of touch with the interwebs, but apparently a lot was going on because when i got back i was confronted with this digital diarrhea of everything i'd missed. war. ebola. ferguson. robin williams. tony stewart. shamu is still really, really depressed. and lest we forget the ever-lovin' ice bucket challenge. (and then there's the inevitable backlash: "why is everyone and their grandma doing the ice bucket challenge and no one is discussing ISIS's beheading of an American journalist or taking a child bride? why are we crying about a rich white guy killing himself when we just lost the first general since the vietnam war? don't you people know we're in the midst of a(n) historical drought?! 'cuz, obama.")

here's the deal though. i kind of liked just hearing snippets and not being under siege by a full frontal media assault. i've never been one of those people who gets off on the morbid details of the crisis du jour. i do not understand the people who want to watch the video of some guy getting hit and killed by a race car. i do not want to see someone get their head chopped off. i do not want to view gruesome photos of dead babies in gaza. i do not want to read the front page headline that robin williams hung himself with a belt because then i will be haunted by images i created in my crazy little mind. call me an ostrich burying my head in the sand, but i actually think the internet feeding frenzy on that type of stuff is kind of sick.

i understand the arguments on the other side - we live in our nice, comfy little world and sometimes we need to be shocked out of our complacency by the reality of what's really going on. (trust me. i know what's going on. and i am shocked as hell.) i don't mean to sound callous or ignorant. but, bottom line, i just don't have a lot of room for that kind of soul-crushing stuff at this juncture in my life. seriously, like, i can be driving home thinking, "life is pretty darn alright" and then i turn on NPR and three minutes later i'm ready to drive my car straight into the ocean. most of the time, i'm just trying to get through the day, you know? trying to maintain my sanity until bedtime. trying to take care of me and mine the best i know how. trying to find a little happiness where i can - sunsets, sand, sleeping babies. bourbon and brie. and i like my little bubble. it's nice there. i think i'll stay.

(of course, i say that, and then i happen upon some insane old quote from ann coulter and i become enraged and i want to go stand on a street corner with a campaign sign for the next 3 months: "it would be a much better country if women did not vote. that is simply a fact." what. in. the. actual. fuck. . . . sigh.)

if you DO feel like some edjamakashun, here are some of the super steals from the web, amidst all the ice buckets and baloney:

glennon melton from momastery's post on suicide and depression and mental illness in light of robin williams' death. i, thankfully, am one of those people who thought, 'why?! how?! and... why?!' but i thought this was very real and raw and powerful.

and this: 12 things white people can do now because ferguson (updated version here)

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: we need to talk about Israel

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Ferguson, MO and Police Militarization (HBO)

and these because they're a little bit funny.

mmmkay?
(but see this article in forbes, "think the ice bucket challenge is stupid? you're wrong."
and this ("the last ice bucket challenge you need to see" from upworthy.)
and this. i wonder if patrick stewart is accepting applications for friendship?
oh and of course we can't forget the fails.)

I know what i'm doing for Halloween

you're in luck, dummy!

the end.

until later.

aaaand later is now:

have i already basically said all of this before? it's hard to keep track. i feel like i only have seven original thoughts and every single post is just a variation on one of those seven themes. i am like a 90s sit-com. (< allegedly. the only way i could know less about pop culture in general, is to have been raised on an ashram in rural connecticut.)

ps, apparently, if i actually kept up with the news, i would have seen that there is scientific research to support my theory. see this article in the new york times - how social media silences debate.

mama mama misses HER mama

sorry if this makes you cringe. or cry. i'm usually not into mushy sentimental sh*t. but this is my free therapy :)

yesterday was my mom's birthday. she's been gone 15 years, which is hard to believe. the day before my sis and i drank margaritas and stuffed our faces with tacos and got hit on by drunk old men in her honor. but yesterday, her actual birthday, kind of sucked. rough day at work, even rougher night at home. i wanted my mama.

when you lose your parents before "their time" (whatever that means), you say (people say), oh, i can't believe my dad won't be there to walk me down the aisle, or, i can't believe my mom will never meet her grandbabies. and of course, those extra meaningful moments are bittersweet because there's a mom-, dad-, step-dad-, or grandma-shaped hole in your special day. but to be honest, those big days are so hectic and crazy and sleepless and stressful and a whirlwind of excitement and love that you don't have a lot of time to throw a pity-party for yourself over your lost loved ones. at least, i didn't.

the times i most miss my mom are just regular ole days. maybe especially when i'm sick, or tired, or up at 3 am cleaning barf or poop or pee out of the sheets/blankets/carpet/cleavage... when i can't sleep... when i feel like i cannot take one single second more of this insane juggling act... when i want to be the one who gets babied and taken care of and not the one doing the babying for once. maybe when i just want to say "thank you," "i understand now" (at least a little), and "how on earth did you do it all?" when i want to know about ME as a baby, because, my dad, bless his heart, doesn't seem to remember a thing. i asked him about potty training and he was like, "hmmm, i don't remember going through that with you guys." ha! maybe i just miraculously starting using the big kid toilet on my own- i was quite advanced ;) (and i'm not judging, because these years are a manic blur and i've already forgotten huge chunks, who knows what i'll remember in 30 years!) i miss the opportunity to know my mom as an adult, to go on family adventures, to drink a margarita on the beach together. i wonder what my kids would call her (i can't imagine she'd settle for grandma). i miss my mom when i'm having a "heated discussion" with my husband and i just want to call a time out and ring her up and ask her to play referee - to let me know if i should just drop it (she'd probably say yes). or when i feel like i am failing at communication, failing at being the person i want to be, just plain failing. just plain missing my mom. sometimes there's just no one else that fits the bill.

for those of you who didn't know her, my mom rocked. she was a perfect blend of laid-back and go-getter. she was really good at everything, and expected the best from those around her, but didn't take herself, or life, too seriously. she refused to be pigeon-holed, or defined by one characteristic or facet of her life. i trusted her judgment implicitly (even the blue eyeshadow and shoulder pads... okay, maybe not the mullet ;)) and i still find myself asking "what would mom have done or said in this situation?" mom looked homeless men in the eye, and didn't talk down to anyone (well, unless you gave her coke instead of pepsi). she made you earn her respect and her smile, but was loyal to a fault once you had done so. she had a firm handshake, traveled alone, took pleasure in company and in solitude, and believed in miracles. she could be no-nonsense, and she could be silly. she taught me to trust my instincts, but also not to make groundless assumptions. she was the least judgy person i knew, at least until i met my stepdad and the stepdadders, and finally my dear husband. she was really good at communicating, and "reaching across the aisle," so to speak. with an evangelical upbringing, and a decidedly un-evangelical adult life, she had a depth and breadth of life experience that allowed her to connect with and understand all types and stripes. mom had friends, lots of friends, from all walks of life. she believed in equality and freedom of choice before it was cool. and fanny packs (she was an OG hipster, but without the attitude :)) from the get, mom taught me that no one was better than me, and that i was better than no one. that i could do anything i wanted to do, be anything i wanted to be, and that everyone else was or should be entitled to the same. mom taught me that after a few margaritas, people's differences tend to fade away. and getting naked in a hot tub together is a great equalizer. when you know and love all kinds of people, you learn that regardless of their politics, their religion, their beliefs, their morals, and what goes on in the privacy of their bedroom, they're really not so very different from you. it wasn't a political thing. i hate to say, my mom didn't even vote. it was just a human thing. these are some of the truths my mother imparted to me.

all of this just feels very apropos as our country/planet is currently going to hell in a handbasket ... i guess i'm probably putting her on a pedestal... thinking she could solve the world's problems if only she were here. but i just feel like she, of all people, would know what to say... would be able to explain things in a way that people could understand... would be able to break down the BS and bring even the staunchest stalwarts to an understanding...

realistically, her sentiments would probably echo a wise friend of mine, who recently said -

"Blah... blah... blah... government shutdown... blah... blah... blah... healthcare... blah... blah... blah... politics... blah... blah... blah... I'm still at work, getting paid, raising boys, kissing my spouse and practicing loving kindness."

- AMC

i love this. and i try to remember it. i get myself so worked up sometimes... listening to NPR on the way to and from work i'm nearly apoplectic by the time i arrive at my destination. seriously. the other day i heard a reporter say (and i'm paraphrasing here), "well, congress hasn't done a single godd@mn useful thing in years and now they can't even manage to keep the government running, but, they did pass a bill on helium today." i was like, wait, i'm sorry, what did you just say?!?! i nearly drove my car into the ever lovin' center divider. they must have meant that the entirety of congress sucked a sack of helium balloons before coming to work that day?!?! the stupidity and intransigence and impotence in government and politics infuriates me. but... at the end of the day... why do i care so much? all i can do is breathe, love, and worry about me and mine.

my friend posted some more sage advice in the same vein, borrowed from "The Buddhist Boot Camp" -

"When you find yourself intolerant of intolerance, you're actually no different than the other side. Resolve the internal conflict and make peace within yourself instead of trying to fix someone else's perspective without ever attempting to calm your own. You can't fight fire with fire in order to prove that setting something on fire is wrong."

- Buddha's FB page

which kind of reminds me of my new favorite quote:

"Let go, or be dragged."

- An "American Proverb," allegedly.

anyway. that's all. happy birthday mom. miss your face.