Hello. My name is Mackenzie Ninjago Cheeseman, or as my friends call me, Mack N. Cheese. No. This is not my real name. But you'd feel pretty bad if it was. I decided to make an anonymous blog because (a) I have a love-hate relationship with the interwebs and feel a low-grade panic attack coming on whenever I think about how anyone could find you and learn where you live and what you eat and where you sleep and what music you like, and could use that information to trick you into their windowless van where they would murder you and chop you up into pieces and eat them with soy sauce... or... something... and (b) in the unlikely event that anyone I don’t already know reads the blog, I would prefer not to call my friends and family members by name on the world wide web. In any event, it probably would not take special ops investigative forces to reveal my true identity. But I'd like to at least keep up the illusion.
Anyway. I am a wife who didn't really want to get married (until I did), a mom who doesn't really like kids (except my own,
sometimes usually), a lawyer who doesn't really like conflict (well, except when I win), and a vegetarian who doesn't really like vegetables (yeah, that one's pretty solid). I have two children, Colby and Jack. Or four, if you count the oversized man-child that is my husband (Daddy Mack), and our new pup (Feta) who loves to snack on expensive footwear. I eat too much and sleep too little. I like bad words, books, and booze. I almost always have errant glitter and/or snot (not mine) on my person. I try to be good and kind but often fail. I am a super antisocial homebody and don't like a lot of people, but I care about “People-with-a-capital-P” and “The World” and all of those big, beautiful, hopeless things. I would love to be awesome at something, anything! But instead I'm just slightly above average at a lot of things. I talk too much and don't listen enough. I use too many words. Brevity is not my strong suit. I don't really like capital letters (though I am using them here, because I am trying to impress you), and I tend to overuse emoticons, ellipses, and exclamation points. I don't consider myself terribly creative or original, and I'm pretty sure that ALL of the ideas IN THE UNIVERSE are already on the Internet, told by wittier people than I, but at least seven people who aren’t legally obligated to love me seem to enjoy it (and I'm in a
BOOK!) So I think, for now, I’ll keep it up.
