Is there cheese in it?: go charlotte, it's yo berfday

last weekend we had a "destination birthday party" for colby jean in beautiful and exotic sacramento, the capitol and crown jewel of the great state of california. i mean, is any further explanation required? ;) (we originally planned to have the party at my dad's house up north because my grandfather was ill and we wanted to see as much of him as possible while he was still around, but then he joined that great naked hot tub party in the sky. party planning was already well in the works though so we just rolled with it.)

whenever we travel with the kids, i expect a blog post is in the making. but this past weekend was shockingly uneventful. the kids traveled like champs, and the birthday party was a big hit.

first of all, hosting a party at someone else's house? genius. why have i never thought of this before?! normally before a party i'm up all night cleaning like that cracked out grandma from Something about Mary, decorating and doing ridiculous crafty shit by hand, making themed cupcakes and oreo pops, and cutting fruit and vegetables into choke-proof quarter-inch cubes. but not this time. i'm not going to ruffle any tail-feathers by trying to crazy-clean my future step-mother's home, so that was out. food? i outsourced everything. pizza delivered for lunch. delicious desserts from a local bakery. store-bought snacks and fruit plates. decorations? i ordered every pink giraffe-themed thing i could find on etsy and shipped it to my pop's house. bought some garlands and tissue poofs. wham bam thank you baby jesus, etsy, and Martha Stewart! i can't even get over how much less work it was?!

one funny thing about my dad's house though. he and his significant other and her daughter are basically vegan. there was no milk. my dad had to go on a scavenger hunt to find sugar for my coffee. and perhaps most importantly, no cheese, which to me is a glaring sign that you have lost the will to live. my kids were also totally thrown by the lack of ranch dressing. almond milk on their cereal? whatevs. no ranch in which to dip all of the things? *error. error. cannot. compute.* ;) i was commiserating with my sister about the status of our dairy addictions at dad's house and she was like, "yeah, every time i'm there i'm starving. last time i went i stocked up on airplane peanuts and silently scarfed them in my bed at night." that killed me. still laughing.

anyway. the birthday was a success. colby had the best time EVER. she was entertained by a single helium balloon for four hours, and while it took her about a month to get through her christmas presents, she ripped through her birthday swag in ten minutes flat. it was also really great to see family and friends that we don't often have the chance to see. good times were had by all.

heading home on sunday was relatively painless. my little frequent flyers handled it like pros. all was well until we lost colby's "spawkly do-wah the explo-wah" backpack at the airport. i look across the way to see a small swarm of TSA agents going through its contents in confusion. minky blankie? hot pink iPad and headphones? neon glitter sweatshirt? CUTEST BOMB EVER!!!

then we let the kids run around at the edge of the food court for a little bit to get their ya-yas out before the flight. they were playing a more or less quiet game of pretend along a big glass wall of windows overlooking the runway when Jack yells "LOOKOUT EVEYBODY!!! AN ENOWMOUS SOUFWEST AIOWPWANE JUST CWASHED ON DA WUNWAY!!!" colby: "NORMOUS CWASH!!!" omg. apparently now is the time to have the talk about yelling fire in a crowded theater. i'll let daddy handle that since he's the constitutional lawyer and all ;)

also? forget about the mile high club. that shit's for pansies. the real award goes to anyone who has taken a preschooler to poop in an airplane bathroom.

but the critters were angels and there were no meltdowns and no pissy passengers and life was good. at least until the next day ;)