Make Racists Uncomfortable Again

Hello. Happy Election Day. Hope you've already got your coffee, your "I Voted" sticker, and a yummy snack that'll sink your food diary for the day, because you deserve it.

I've been having some thoughts and wanted to write them down.

This weekend, I wore one of my "inflammatory liberal t-shirts," as a friend calls them, to my kids' soccer games.

One of the other moms - who seems like a great, kind, thoughtful person, came up to me and said, "I love your shirt. Good for you for wearing that here. I have a couple like that too, but I don't wear them out, because you never know what people's politics are, and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable...." At the time, I responded, "Ha, not me! Come at me, bro!" But I got thinking about it later, and basically what she was saying was, "I don't want to make racist people feel uncomfortable about their racism. Because, you know, aside from not liking brown people, they seem like totally reasonable folks. Why ruin their Saturday afternoon?"

Oh, and before anyone responds "Just because they're anti-immigrant doesn't mean they're racist." Yeah, it kinda does. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I've never once heard anyone who's making the "Go to the back of the line/Just file your papers and do it the right way!" argument lamenting the illegal immigrants from Canada, or Russia, or China, for that matter. I knew an entire rugby team comprised of white dudes from New Zealand and South Africa who'd overstayed their visas and had no intention of returning home. I never saw ICE banging down their doors. Hell, there's a good chance FLOTUS was an "illegal immigrant" at some point and clearly Trumpsters don't have a problem with that. There seems to be a direct correlation between the GOP's anti-immigrant rhetoric and the amount of melanin in said immigrant population's skin. (Also also, immigrants are better educated and commit less crime than the US-born population. So they can just stop with the terrorists and bad hombre business.)

In any event. My point is. Making bigots uncomfortable is THE WHOLE POINT. Use your privilege! If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor." - Desmond Tutu.

In the words of Martin Luther King Jr. in Letter from a Birmingham Jail:

I must make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers. First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress. I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that the present tension in the South is a necessary phase of the transition from an obnoxious negative peace, in which the Negro passively accepted his unjust plight, to a substantive and positive peace, in which all men will respect the dignity and worth of human personality. Actually, we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured.

"What hurts the victim most is the not the cruelty of the oppressor but the silence of the bystander.... The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." - Elie Wiesel

So get out there, my friends, with your connections, your voices, your Facebook pages, your bumper stickers, your inflammatory liberal t-shirts. Let's Make Racists (and misogynists and homophobes and bigots of all sorts) Uncomfortable Again! MRUA! 

stay classy, san diego

i'm weird. this may already have occurred to you, but if not, i'll just put that out there.

e.g., i often say i don't really like people. but that's not entirely accurate. i mean, i am a sort of hermit homebody, and i do have a fair amount of social anxiety, and schmoozing and making small talk with a bunch of strangers/acquaintances sounds about as fun to me as an evening plucking out my eyelashes one by one. i'm also weirdly cynical about certain things, e.g., i have literal panic attacks about global warming and renewable energy resources and fresh water supplies and getting attacked in my parking garage aka rape dungeon. and when i listen to the news i often find myself asking, what in the flying F*CK is wrong with people?! (side note: someone needs to come up with a f*ck-version of H-E-double-hockey-sticks... KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, MIXED UP, WITH.. A... "U"! Yeah. Take that! ;)) still, somehow, despite all this, i believe that there is a lot of beauty in the world and that most people are generally good and kind, or at least, well-intentioned. so i often feel broadsided when reality does not comport with this hopeful ideal. and one place guaran-friggin-teed to disprove one's theories re: general human goodness is the internet.

did you guys hear this "Oprah: Where are the now?" interview with Tia & Tamera Mowry of "Sister/Sister" fame? i never watched the show and barely know who these people are. the headline just caught my eye: Tamera Mowry: "I have never experienced so much hate, ever." apparently, Tamera has a new reality show featuring her (white) husband and their son. and, well, the filthy internet trolling scumbuckets of america seem to have forgotten that it is TWO THOUSAND AND FOURTEEN, because some of the stuff they said in response to Tamera's interracial marriage is F*CKING INSANE. for example, that she is a "White man's whore," and "Back in the day, you cost $300, but now, you're giving it away for free." wwwhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaat????????? you guys! seriously?! what in the H-E-DOUBLE-F*CKY-STICKS?!?!

so yeah, that just blew my mind. (not in a good way). but this post was originally about another, albeit less outrageously out-of-line, example of bigotry a little closer to home.

if you read this blog regularly, you probably know my little brother is gay. he came out to us early in high school, to little fanfare. except when stuff like Prop 8 goes down, i don't really think about it too much. it's usually a non-issue. obviously, i am aware that there is a segment of society that is homophobic and hateful toward gays and lesbians. i even have family members who say things that make my blood boil on this topic. but until recently i assumed, apparently naively, that this was just a very vocal minority whose antiquated thinking was geographically quarantined to places far away from me - places where people didn't feel comfortable coming out, and whose residents, therefore, had never actually met or interacted with many gay or lesbian folks and were just regurgitating some backwards, bigoted BS held over from another era. mostly places with crocodiles and burmese pythons. i never for a second thought i would encounter that crap in San Diego, California. this is "The Left Coast," after all. (of course, until 6 months ago, the "left coast" approved a constitutional ban on gay marriage, so i'm not sure what alternate reality i was operating under.) still. while it's no san francisco, san diego has a large LGBTQ community and i have always just assumed it was totally cool to be gay here. just goes to show the straight middle class white girl don't know shit.

my brother was in town for christmas, and we had tickets to go see our friend's band, Hot Buttered Rum, play at Winston's in the Ocean Beach (OB) neighborhood of san diego. while we were getting ready to go out, i noticed my bro was putting on "guy liner." i told him that OB is a bunch of beach bums and bikers and the place we were going was basically a dive so guy liner probably wasn't required under the dress code.  but hey. i was wearing makeup. who am i to say he shouldn't? and it's not like he'd listen to his big sister anyway :) this is not an integral part of the story. not sure why i felt the need to mention it. just to paint you the full picture, i guess.

anyway, we went to the concert and interacted with some people who put the "strange" in stranger, which is par for the course in OB. one guy in particular was definitely high on something other than life and was kind of bugging us but i didn't think a whole lot about it. we enjoyed the concert, but as we were walking back to the car we started talking about the creepy dude. then my brother tells me that, among other things, the guy said to him, "oh, you're one of THOSE." my brother inquired as to who/what one of "those" might be and the guy replied: "either a meth head or 'a' gay." okay, first of all, you're forgetting a third, completely legitimate category - long lost member of fall out boy or some other punky emo band. and second of all, eff you, man! that is so rude! and what does that even mean? that all gay men look like drug addicts? i was so pissed! i was like, WHAT?! we're goin' back in there! don't hold me back! that douche bonnet's goin' DOWN!

for some reason my brother and husband would not let me fight the guy. but you will not have the last word, sir! i will write about you on my secret blog and 37 people will read about it! so, there! kentucky-fried-chicken-steak-head! (yeah. you like what i did there?!)

my brother also told me some other guy bumped into him by the bar, knocking his drink, and was like, "hey bro, you dropped your umbrella." like, his drink was a "fruity" cocktail because it was being drunk by a gay man. it was a freakin beer. and did he intentionally bump him??? what in the ever loving f*ck?!

my brother handled both situations with a sense of grace i myself would not/do not possess. i was/am so angry on his behalf! and i got the feeling that this was not an infrequent occurrence in his life. that just makes me sooooooo sad :(

but at least they didn't call him a $300 slave.

in that vein, the other night i made DM watch "The Help" with me, and we got to talking about the parallels that are often drawn between "The" civil rights movement, and the current struggle for equal rights being fought by the LGBTQ community. we wondered if any african americans resent the comparison? (and/or japanese americans, or really, any people of color who lived through such appalling atrocities as slavery, segregation, internment camps, etc.) not to undermine the battles being fought by and for LGBTQ folks. clearly there are similarities in their struggles. but it's a different war.

that being said, i couldn't resist tossing in some Martin Luther King Jr. quotes - thankful as i am to his legacy, which allowed me to drink mimosas on the beach and ponder the mystery of human existence this past monday. cheers to you, dr. king.

in other words, don't punch the skeeve ball talking shit on your little bro

but do tell the skeeve ball to suck it. then maybe give him a hug. then sanitize accordingly. 

hope springs eternal.

and how could i forget this?!?

okay. so. my sister and i may bear a small portion of the kid's love of cosmetic experimentation.

also. i feel like i may possibly have over-used the F-word today. sorry. just kidding. i'm not really that sorry. unless you are a child. then, earmuffs. or, eyemuffs. or, wait, why are you reading this blog? anyway. my cousin sent me this on pinterest. i kinda like it.

deal.

explain it to me like i'm a 2 year old...

disclaimer: i am not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination and obviously there are many things about religion in general and christianity and the bible in particular that i do not know or claim to know. and i certainly mean no disrespect. i am just telling it like i see it, on the outside looking in.

based on my observations, you are apparently allowed to pick and choose the parts of the bible that you want to follow. and hey, i don't blame ya. i've been reading the bible myself lately and there is some crazy ass shit in there. but guess what? the constitution isn't supposed to work that way.

i saw this bumper sticker yesterday that said "the US constitution: annoying liberals since 1787*." i laughed. (*btw, the constitution didn't go into effect until 1789 and the bill of rights wasn't ratified until 1791, but hey, who's counting.) anyway, i'm liberal and i happen to be quite fond of the constitution. i assume this sticker was referring to the second amendment in particular? okay. fine. you can have your second amendment (even though, p.s., it says "well regulated" RIGHT IN MUTHER LOVIN TEXT.) but alright. whatever. i won't pry your guns from your cold dead hands. i will pray that it isn't your (or my) child who gets shot in their preschool class or your (or my) mentally unstable war veteran husband who eats his own gun. i really don't understand the problem with background checks and education/safety regulations and outlawing things like uzis and grenade launchers from the general gun-toting public but i don't even want to fall down that rabbit hole right now.

my point is, there are actually 26 other amendments (well 25 in effect), among which can be found some super duper useful personal rights and protections, including the guarantees that "no person shall be denied life, liberty or property without due process of law" and "no State shall deny to any person within its jurisdiction equal protection of the laws." and what about "ALL men are created equal?" (declaration of independence), and "liberty and justice for ALL?" (pledge of allegience). yeah, those apply too. or at least, they should. sadly, as a society, we're a little slow on the uptake... but bit by bit we are realizing that equal really does mean equal. not silent but equal. not separate but equal. not "sort of kind of but not quite" equal. just EQUAL. and today we came one step closer to this - let's call it the Platonic ideal of equality.

what strikes me as strange is that most of the supporters of DOMA are the same people who rail against "big government." you lose your freaking mind when the government suggests you use flourescent light bulbs, but it makes perfect sense for the government to tell us which consenting adults can lawfully marry one-another? allowing the federal government to legislate love? that's a slippery slope my friends. that's the same type of power that might allow the government to tell you you are raising your kids the wrong way, or praising your god the wrong way, etc...  as far as i'm concerned, the government has no business dictating personal morality. as long as you're not hurting anyone else, and no one else is hurting you, WHY DO YOU CARE????????? I mean, I appreciate the concern and all, but if, according to you, my choices mean I'm going to burn in hell, isn't that my problem?

then there's the whole 'sanctity of mariage' argument. but unless you're gonna pass a constitutional amendment banning divorce and adultery and The Bachelor/Bachelorette and "who wants to marry a millionaire"/Rock of Love/Flavor of Love, and please for the love of god an everything holy do something about Tom cruise... Then no.

"the bible forbids it." okay. don't make me go leviticus on your ass. do you dig on swine? (Leviticus 11:7-8). toss around the pigskin on turkey day? (11:8). cut your hair/beard? (19:27). have a tattoo? (19:28). wear cotton-poly blends? (19:19). read gossip mags, or gossip yourself? (19:16) curse your parents? death! (okay i actually kind of agree with that one ;))(Exodus 21:17). are you divorced? (Mark 10:8). divorced and remarried? (Mark 10:11-12). do you ever work on the sabbath? death again! (Ex. 31:14-15) women speaking in church? the shame! (1 Corinthians 14:34-35). do you like shrimp? uh uh! (Leviticus 10-11) sex before marriage? (Deuteronomy 22:20-21). sex at "that time of the month?" sex too soon after giving birth? (Leviticus 12). what about this one? Genesis 38:6-10 "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also." requiring a woman to marry and have sex with her dead husband's brother? alright! "Spilling your seed?" more death! and i'm sure there are countless other examples. again. not trying to be disrespectful here. i understand this is a sacred text to many and i'm not trying to make light of it. but you can't deny that some of this stuff is just ridiculous in this day and age and to argue that one sentence was and is the inviolate word of God and the next, for whatever reason, no longer applies DOES NOT FLY!

what about the more general "it's against my religion" - THEN DON'T. EFFING. DO. IT. it really is that simple.

"we don't want this godless behavior condoned/institutionalized by our government"... Okay. Here we go with that pesky constitution again! 1st amendment. Separation of church and state. Maybe your marriage involves God. That's your prerogative. Mine is between me and my husband and the good state of Nevada.

oh and my fave, the "oh we believe it's a sin and we don't want our children to grow up thinking/learning it's okay" argument. well. alright. first, you can dress it up in all the religious trappings you please, but what we're really talking about here is homophobia. but hey. i have an irrational fear of mariachis. it happens. i'm working on it. anyway, more importantly, if you really think it's so wrong, then teach your children accordingly (and raise a whole new generation of homophobes! it is a "free" country, after all.) there are over seven BILLION people in this world. that means there are lots and lots and LOTS of ways to be/think/live. i'm not going to agree with all of them and they're not all going to agree with me. nor is it my place or their business to do so. the only thing i can and should control is how I live, and, to an extent, how my children live, and even that only goes so far.

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”  - Paul Coelho

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”  - Paul Coelho

this generally isn't a place where i want to get all political. for the most part, i intend to keep my posts within the purview of poop and pee and preschool. but in this case, the personal IS political. my little brother and some of my very best and oldest friends are gay. until today (and still, in many states) they were/are relegated to a "skim milk" version of marriage (per my old lady crush RBG), or treated like second-class citizens not entitled to marriage at all. this enrages me. it makes me want to cry and punch things. i'm a lawyer. i have been trained to see, and argue, both sides of of any case. on most issues i'm willing to admit that reasonable minds could disagree. but not this time.

i know that the people who agree with me aren't hearing anything new and the people who don't probably aren't even listening, but being the narcissistic newbie blogger that i am, i felt i had to put my piece on "paper". i'll put the soap box back in the closet. for now.

and, scene.

click here for some gay marriage videos and laughter and maybe a tear or two.

source: http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1200776/thumbs/
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source: live.usnews.com
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