she's HERE

Sooooo..... I just wanted to casually remind all of you that I AM IN A BOOK!!!!

 



 Ain't she purdy?????

click HERE to buy on Amazon.
click HERE to buy on iTunes.
click HERE to buy at Barnes & Noble.
OR, if you'd like a super fancy signed copy by a practically famous author lady, hit a sister up.

I feel like a bit of a fraud, because my children are actually quite respectful of bathroom privacy. But don't tell anyone. I don't want to get kicked out of the club.

Also because, on the scale of internet famosity, 1 being someone you've never heard of before in your entire life, and 10 being Kim Kardashian, I'm like a negative-zero, and my co-contributors are all solidly in the upper echelons.

The other day someone was sending around a draft for a press release (what?!) where each of the 40 authors were supposed to list their crowning achievements. Everyone else has books, beaucoup awards, TV appearances, etcetera. I literally have nothing of note. Short story titled "Vegetable Face" chosen for "publication" in St. Philomena's Wings of the Dove (think pieces of binder paper stapled together and shoved in a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper). Won a calendar contest for PG&E that same year (third grade was a good year for me). Wrote for Law Review, helped draft an appeal to the Ninth Circuit, spend many hours writing boring legal things. 139 Facebook likes. Taye Diggs followed me on Twitter.

At least for my next book, I will have something to write: Contributor, I Still Just Want to Pee Alone, by Some More Kick Ass Bloggers. (Wait! Does that make me a Kick Ass Blogger?! Yeeeah boyyyy!) Effusive thanks to her royal high-lariousness Jen Mann for including such a complete and total rookie in the ranks!

And in case you need further evidence of my authorial legitimacy - may I proudly present to you, my AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE!!!!! (Sorry for the shouty caps. I'm just a teensy bit excited.)

BUY THE BOOK! If you liked it, write glowing reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. Receive bountiful karmic retribution in the form of complex carbohydrates and dairy products and fermented grapes. If you hated it, maybe skip the review, get your funny bone checked, and no grapes for you! ;)

Thank you and good day!

Oh and if you're interested in the skinny on this soon-to-be bestselling piece of fine-ass literature:

I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is the third installment in the national best-selling series of anthologies published by Throat Punch Media. The previous two have sold over 40,000 copies to date and are both continually ranked in the top 20 of their category on Amazon. The original I Just Want to Pee Alone is on the New York Times Best Sellers List. We expect this one to do well too.

The previous two books have over 500 reviews on Amazon with an average of 4.5 stars.

This book has 40 contributors with a social media reach of 1.2 million fans (and growing) on Facebook.

Many of the contributors to this book are award-winning writers who have appeared on the NYT best-seller's list, Huff Po, Scary Mommy, LifetimeMoms, NickMom. (< I am not one of those award-winning writers. YET. ;))

You know you want to, too!

almost famous

I've already shouted this from the rooftops, but just in case you were in your parents' basement at the time, I wanted to let you know, I'M GOING TO BE IN A BOOK. WITH PAGES. Or, like, pixels. Whatever floats your boat. And you will be able to buy it on Amazon, which is basically my baseline for legitimacy at life. But it's cool, no big deal, I'm totally chill about it ;)

I'm really glad this worked out for me, though, because there is no way my white dimpled butt was gonna propel me to internet stardom. My buns are less glazed donuts and more... soggy cornflakes. Not exactly the stuff faux fame is made of.

See, there I am. Further. A little further. Keep going. There you go.
Save the second-best for second-to-last. I definitely read that somewhere ;)

Anyway, in case you can't tell, I'm pretty stoked. I mean, I have no f*cking clue what I'm doing. I definitely feel like a total rookie hanging out with the All Star Team, but I'll take it!
 

"You have no frame of reference here, Donny.
You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know..."
(^ Me, asking questions about Book PR) 

In all seriousness, I am honored to be featured on this roster of awesomeness:

Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat

Bethany Kriger Thies of Bad Parenting Moments

Kim Bongiorno of Let Me Start By Saying

Alyson Herzig of The Shitastrophy

JD Bailey of Honest Mom

Kathryn Leehane of Foxy Wine Pocket

Suzanne Fleet of Toulouse and Tonic

Nicole Leigh Shaw of Nicole Leigh Shaw, Tyop Aretist

Meredith Spidel of The Mom of the Year

Rebecca Gallagher of Frugalista Blog

Rita Templeton of Fighting off Frumpy

Darcy Perdu of So Then Stories

Christine Burke of Keeper of The Fruit Loops

Amy Flory of Funny Is Family

Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures

Sarah del Rio of est. 1975

Amanda Mushro of Questionable Choices in Parenting

Jennifer Hicks of Real Life Parenting

Courtney Fitzgerald of Our Small Moments

Lola Lolita of Sammiches and Psych Meds

Victoria Fedden of Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds

Keesha Beckford of Mom's New Stage

Stacia Ellermeier of Dried-on Milk

Ashley Allen of Big Top Family

Meredith Bland of Pile of Babies

Harmony Hobbs of Modern Mommy Madness

Janel Mills of 649.133: Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of

Kim Forde of The Fordeville Diaries

Stacey Gill of One Funny Motha

Beth Caldwell of The Cult of Perfect Motherhood

Sarah Cottrell of Housewife Plus

Michelle Back of Mommy Back Talk

Tracy Sano of Tracy on the Rocks

Linda Roy of elleroy was here

Michelle Poston Combs of Rubber Shoes In Hell

Susan Lee Maccarelli of Pecked To Death By Chickens

Vicki Lesage of Life, Love, and Sarcasm in Paris

Kris Amels of Why, Mommy?

Mackenzie Cheeseman of Is there cheese in it? [< ME! Well, kind of. By the way, creating and maintaining a fake identity is kinda stressful. I am so glad I am not in witness protection or I would definitely be dead.]

Tracy DeBlois of Orange & Silver

The book is slated to come out March 27th. It'll cost some dollars, and it'll be money well spent. Promise. As my PR debut, I may try to work out a deal with Depends so that you're covered when you pee your pants laughing. Can also be used as tissues for unexpected tears. I'll keep you posted ;)

Real book.
Just in case you  missed it.
Coming March 27th.
In the meantime, if you haven't read the first one, go here.

NOW AVAILABLE!!!!! CLICK HERE TO BUY!